VOMIT.. and when I say vomit, I don't mean just a tad..

I'll set the scene, it's a Saturday night, the weather is a little rainy, I'm surrounded by people ready to party, all in high spirits, all a little tipsy, and all smiling.. then, there I am, with what can only be described as regurgitated chicken burgers and orange juice in my hair, someone elses clothes on, and my eyes rolling back into my head, slumped in my boyfriends arms. I was a mess.

The story goes like this (as I'm sure you are raring to hear the in's and out's of my chunder filled expedition), Maria picked me up to get ready for her birthday night out, we went to hers and had a bottle of vino between us, whilst we got ready, my make-up went on nicely (meaning the wine had not yet tipsyfied me, or it had tipsyfied me to the extent that I could not tell if my make-up was nice or not, I'm going to go with the former option), then we settled down for a few more beverages, vodka and orange juice was my choice of tipple, went down quite nicely, we wore some wigs, took some pics, all was very funny, I could feel the alcohol taking over now, as I was starting to tap my feet and shake my booty to music being played from youtube.. but I continued to chuck back the drinks, this time pink champagne.. what can now only be known as, the bubbles that pushed me over the edge..

Now if I'm honest, I don't really remember the walk/stumble to the station, or the train journey either, what I do remember however, is the first bought of vomit.. still on the train (classy) into my own lap (classy) out of my nose (classy) and then a train bin, being shoved into my face to catch said vomit.. I think it was too late for that.

All of a sudden we were off the train, I don't remember getting off it, I was possibly dragged? Then I was faced with the task of.. getting to the club.. I decided almost immediately that this was no longer a possibility, as my feet were not walking in the way my brain was telling them too (imagine a new born deer taking it's first steps) I kindly suggested that my friends go without me.. and leave me, I would be JUST FINE.. afterall, my boyfriend would be there soon to save the day..

Now another blank kicked in and I "woke up" on a platform, what one? I'm not sure, head in my hands, perched on a bench, still vomiting, it's funny how the station spins when you're in that position, and I felt something wet in my hand. No, it was not more vomit, it was a wetwipe, some kind stranger, had provided my with a wetwipe to mop myself. Now whilst this had a lovely sentiment behind it, it was about as useful as a tampon in a pint glass when it came to soaking up my vomit.

I used my bambi legs, and found a toilet on platform 6 (my new favorite place) and made it my new home for the evening, I continued to chunder, it looked like orange rice pudding, then I realised, that my clothes were saturated in bile and second hand alcohol, not a good look if I ever wanted to make it to my actual home, so off came the clothes, I cleaned myself up using allot of toilet tissue, works wonders, who needs showers?? Then I called upon the opinion of some superhero look-alikes that were queuing for the toilet that I had been in so long that I could claim squatters rights for. They agree'd that my clothes would probably never be the same again, and were definately not fit to be worn home. So I threw them in the out of order toilet that was next to my home-toilet.

There I was, sick stained, in my bra and pants, barefoot in a stinky public toilet, finding this all QUITE amusing, when I suddenly remembered that Benjamin was coming to my rescue, I peeked from behind the toilets, and there he was, looking straight at me, with a disappointed/confused/embarassed look upon his face, my face was overwhelmed with happiness that I would not have to fashion a dress out of toilet paper and stumble home alone, I would have someone to laugh at me while I was doing it, but to my avail, he had CLOTHES for me to wear, now they weren't my clothes, they were his, which made the fit slightly loose, and long in the legs, but they were clothes none-the less! I donned my Asda trousers and Charlton shirt, and followed Benjamin to a train.. I was doing a whole new walk of shame, as please bare in mind it was no later than 11pm.

I did a tiny bit more sick on the train, my amazing boyfriend was so concerned, for his clothes, and held back my hair for me.

We got home, I bathed, I laughed, and I passed out.

In conculsion, I am now, on the wagon.. for now..

Boring load of shit.

Blog neglecter, that's what I am.

I need to try and remember the past few weeks, so I can write them down, otherwise when I'm old, grey and senile I can look back at this and remember my life. Although knowing me, I'll still have no memory of it.

Right.. so a few weeks ago I'll start..

Had a LOVELY Thursday night dinner round Bundles yard, the first time I'd ever been there, it was delightful. She cooked for me and scrabbit, and we had chats. Then she tried to force me into going to her Ann Summers party, which incidently is this weekend, and I am NOT attending. She thought showing me a catelog full of corn on the cop dildos and other odd shaped squid-like creatures. I was left unconvinced.

That was the same week I went out with work, drunk some Pimms, and did a very bad fake-tan job when I got in.. this caused bundles many-a-laugh.

On the Friday of that week, I went out with some of the bestages up to London town, did some drunk dancing, lost Maria, nearly knocked the wife out with my elbow, nearly wet myself in Orpington high street, and took many an awful picture.

Next day, I don't remember, now I know I did something, HMMM, nope, it's gone.

The Sunday, Wireless festival, was somewhat excellent. Mr Hudson, was a massive disappointment, although he is amazingly beautiful, he might just be the most boring arrogant pretentious man on the face of the earth. All my hopes and dreams of marrying him have been shattered by wireless festival. Saw lots of other fabulous people, Lily Allen, Jay-Z, etc etc. AND saw actual real life celebs in REAL LIFE. Like, Lewis Hamilton, and GUS FROM EASTENDERS!!!! Was an amazing day. I could not have been dirtier when I got home, I was a different race. I had to have a midnight bath to remove all the filth!

The day after this, I had off of work, which is a rare speciality! Spent it with Benjamas, we went to London, had some lunchies, and THEN went to the museum with the massive chair. It was an ODD experience, lots of skulls and dead things. Bit creepy, but an interesting experience.

TBH I'm bored of relaying the past weeks weeks activities. So I give up.

It's fucking boring anyway. I have shit-all to write these days.

I'm Luke I'm 5 and my dad's Bruce Lee..

I wish for the above song to GET OUT OF MY EFFING HEAD.

My weekend consisted of lots of Benjamin, some Nanny, some curry, some pizza, lots of chocolate, The Sims 3, and plently of sleeping. so over-all, a good weekend.

I terrorised Benjamas in his sleep, which makes me one VERY amused girl, but now I'm scared for his revenge.

I'm craving another piercing, but where?? It's a hard decision to make.. There's so many I want.

I don't really have much else to write about to be honest. EXCEPT for my love of the tramp I spoke to on Saturday night, he was so cool. I miss him. Although he wouldn't accept my gift of a rose.

Back by popular demand..

I have been a BAD mash potato and haven't written for a number of weeks.

Now when I say "black by popular demand" I mean Joy complained about my lack of bloggery. So bundles, I am very sorry.

This won't be an interesting blog, as I'm in a good mood, and I only write amusing blogs when I have rage, normally bus-rage.

Catch-ups.. It's been a month since I have written, do you think I can remember everything I have done? If you do, then you clearly do not know me very well atall, my sieve-like memory can definately go no further back than 2 weeks ago, so I'll go with that..

Devon, I went to Devon for my georgous cousin Stacey's 18th birthday celebrations, I won't lie, the trip was long, and felt even longer as I was surrounded by leprechaun childeren, singing, loudly, in the QUIET carriage, I did however, refrain from bludgeoning them, so that's a plus, man-slaughter won't look good on my CV. Was lovely to see my family, and had lots of laughs, went out in Plymouth. I have a feeling I may have drunk a liiiiittle too much that night, as allot of it is gone from my memory, and I still have no idea whether I was actually sick, or whether it was an odd lie that I was telling everyone. Either way, I had fun, I think.

Last weekend I saw Benjamas :), then saw Flobbster, which was nice, had some food and got excited about Australia, and saw Boy Ashley, which was a some-what disturbing experience due to the film we saw. The Killer Inside Me. Do not see it if you want to be of sane piece of mind, I'm still not fully recovered from this violent happening.

This week I had a small life blip, went slightly mental, and cracked up, but also recovered from this swiftly and am now back to my usual, grumpy, but content, self. So woop. :)

This weekend, I again, saw Benjamas, made him some dinner, like the good girl that I am, and went to work with him to get mutilated. Two stabbings and one colouring-in later, and I'm a jolly girl. I'd be slightly jollier if my hand (which I got pierced) wasn't still bleeding a day and a half later. But fingers crossed it will stop sometime soon.

Today, I have done sweet F.A, moving from bed, to computer, to chair, to bed...repeat to fade.

Do I stress you out, my sweater's on backwards and inside out..

I haven't blogged since bugger knows when, I am therefore a bad bad person!

Now I shall rant.. Saturday's, I like to spend them, in bed, or out shopping, or with fun people, or just slobbing about. Today.. I am waiting for some DICKY engineers to come and fix our house.. they were MEANT to come on Tuesday, but didn't, so were promised for today. 9:15, mum calls them, they say they're outside.. 10:00.. are they here yet?? 3 guesses.. So I call, and apparently he got called away on an urgent job, so they're trying to find someone to cover him now.. EXCELLENT.. so I could have slept for ATLEAST two more hours.

It's a lovely sunny day, and I'm waiting in for THIS. They're getting gob-tea if they ever turn up.

In other news, Brighton last weekend was a bundle of laugh's, (that sounds sarcastic, it's not meant to be) now the weather was dog poops, but we had yummy lunch, did some shopping, of course I bought a new dress, managed to sneak Sam into the hotel even though she wasn't meant to be.. CRIMINALS! Spent about 6 hours getting ready, and having a sing-song in the mirror.. had soe scrummy shots in Vodka Revssss, and danced to some AMAZINGLY cheesey 90's pop. 5ive I love you! Then went to Oceana, which, well, is awful, the music is okay.. but the people, it's like a tramp fest, horrid trampy scabs everywhere, no I do not want to hold your hand, and no I do not want you to grab my arse, DO ONE. Then we snuck Sam back into the hotel, and me and Dizzle watched some Vampire Diaries, amazing way to finish a night.

Next day we packed up, I nearlt left my camera and my hair dryer in the room, but this crisis was averted.. me and Dizzle watched Something for the Weekend, and she banged on the wall for a good while. Then we went and faffed around for half hour while the girls decided where to eat, bought a windmill, and left.. There was a small hiccup with paying for the carpark, and starting the car, but we made it home safe and sound, and noone wet theirselves on the way home :) Happy days!

This week I have left like crap and had a day off work, dam evil headache! But I managed to pass my theory test which is happy news. And as a reward, I got a unicorn :) :)

I don't think I have anything else to blog about. Apart from my RAGE.

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Let's go to a rave and behave like we're tripping simply because we're so in love.

*boogie woogie woogie*

Shaking my bootie on lunch! Woowoowoo. I'm in a better mood than I was yesterday. Yesterday I had rage with life. I realised that I have 0 monies spare every month (almost) which is so sad. I need to buy pretties, and I cannot buy pretties if I have 0 monies. But.. getting rage about it won't make the situation any better, I'll just have to become a gambler and a drunk. It's the only way of surviving.

The apocolypse is still going strong, a bug, FELL from the ceiling, and infront of me, he was trying to get in my mouth to take over my body, but he didn't, I'm bugless.

I have a small headache, I think it's due to the stink of petrol outside. Stupid lawnmower man.

Sometimes, I wish people would STOP SPEAKING, well not stop, just turn the fucking volume down. I don't want to hear your conversations all day long, perlease I do not give a bum.

Should be seeing the scrabbit tonight. I think I'll draw on her.

P.s I'm smitten.

Killing time..

I'm writing this, for no other reason than to kill time whilse I'm waiting for Ushers album to upload to my phone, so I can listen to his "funky jams" whilst I bathe.

If I'm honest, I don't have much to say.

My crusty face is starting to get on my nerves now, my lip is less exploded, so :) but if the ball falls out of it again, I will go mental.

Had a super time at Tony's 21st bash, was a laugh to be with all the girls (pretty much) for once, rather than just a handful. I miss some of them x 100. When I got home I realised I had attempted to burn the house down, and failed, luckyly, by leaving my hair dryer on for a good 6 hours.. WHY my mum didn't hear this I do not know. My room was like a sauna when I got in, and my deoderant had melted :( how my bed didn't burst into flames, I do not know. I am a spanner.

I have a pony :) :) :) her name is Rainbow Dash, and she is beautiful. I love her more than lemon juice. Which is quite allot. I like lemon juice.

It's been raining allot.

That's all I have to say, and my music still isn't done..